Quiet Is The New Loud

"The King" getting pensive in Queens (actually,
I was just waiting for my grapefruit juice).

Karaoke was calling last night. I tried to muster up the energy... but was exhausted. I probably could have managed to get up and perform a few songs (with my usual flair), but after that would probably just want to run to a corner of the bar and lay low. We ended up staying in and watching online episodes of The Big Bang Theory, and that was OK by me. I have gotten to know myself fairly well... bazinga.

It hasn't always been this way. Back in college I made myself miserable, trying hard to overcome old insecurities of feeling different. I thought that solitary actions were to be avoided, and even turned my back, to some extent, on art. It made for a confusing, often painful time in my life.

There was an interesting story on NPR this past week about the differences between introverted and extroverted people. Author Susan Cain, who also considers herself an introvert, has written a new book called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. I think that it is important to have an awareness of these two inherently different social styles, for the sake of peoples' sanity and also to take advantage of the great strengths each group can possess.

"Introversion 2.0"

Thankfully, the writer points out that there is a difference between introversion and shyness: "Introversion is really about having a preference for lower stimulation environments... shyness, on the other hand, is about a fear of negative social judgment. So you can be introverted without having that particular fear at all, and you can be shy but also be an extrovert." 


Hmm... that's even easy for us introverts to confuse. Sometimes I get the feeling people think I can be arrogant or antisocial; when I tell them that I can by "shy," they can't believe it. Many people have called me an extrovert-- I guess due to my openness and love of performing. True, I have no qualms about getting out on the dance floor or taking the mic at karaoke-- I usually thrive on it. But there are also times when I can feel exhausted by "too much stuff," and it's better for me to just go take a long, quiet walk and regain my focus...

Pursuing filmmaking was my idea of finding a way to combine the love of creating (which I never really abandoned), while working with a group in a social setting. 1 think it was partly inspired by the amazing feeling I got from performing-- I only really started doing theater late in high school, and loved every minute of it-- it was like being in an extended, creative family, and I felt it opened up many new doors for me.

The NPR interview goes on to talk about the idea of a "culture of character" vs. "the culture of personality." As much as I love film, it seems partly to blame for our culture's shift towards valuing the "extrovert ideal." The rise of movie stars and big business in the early 20th century set the tone, and suddenly the value of good deeds performed when no one was looking became less valued. In this regard, our culture shows no signs of letting up... so in this day of big corporations and multi-tasking, what is an introvert to do in order to achieve well-deserved success and recognition in the workplace?

A view from my new office space. Yeah, that's Norman
Rockwell's studio behind the tree... my Dad would have
been amazed. Rockwell obviously welcomed "the solitude."

Well, I have learned that no one is going to do it for you-- the introvert needs to "speak up." After expressing concerns at my full-time job, I was recently offered my own office-- it has made a world of difference. I still have to juggle many different assignments during a day, but am finding easier ways to focus on different tasks for concentrated periods of time, and to go seek out a change of scenery when needed. Working out also helps me with my focus-- when I start feeling tired, I find it easier to stay centered. Where I might differ from most introverts is that I love the feeling of accomplishing many different tasks during the day-- I have had a long habit of making lists and crossing off each item (I'll make a good husband). I like to stay busy... but yeah, I would prefer to spend time concentrating on the details of tasks... like during video editing or writing. That seems to be hard to explain to some people... that it takes time to do things right. At times I get the feeling people can find me "intense," and I try hard to avoid that... but I have learned that I can't deny who I am: someone who cares about things quite deeply and passionately.

So here's to you, my fellow introverts... are we the other 1%? Luckily I have found a partner who shares this similar style, and I don't feel quite so different anymore... or more correctly, I take pride in the art of "being different."

NPR segment: "Quiet, Please: Unleashing 'The Power of Introverts'"