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| Photo by Philip Channing. Courtesy USC. All rights reserved. |
Back then I was an undergraduate student at the University of Southern California, with hopes of getting into the university's prestigious film school. In a recent blog I talked about my high school infatuation with the West Coast; well, by the early 90s I had actually realized my goal of living out there. You can't fault me for ambition... I had my sights set squarely on the top− landing first in San Diego and then finally at USC, which boasted a great program and Hollywood right in its backyard. I thought it made perfect sense: study and work on making connections in an area completely dedicated to filmmaking.
The reality: I was in a little over my head. I was accepted to USC as an undeclared major, but was so excited by the possibilities and the school's famous alumni, that I hadn't considered how long it might actually take to get into the film school... if at all. The first semester went alright: I started taking elective film production and acting courses, working as a political cartoonist for the campus newspaper, and was generally outgoing and open to learning all I could about the school and this exciting, new area.
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| USC campus. Photo by Philip Channing. Courtesy USC. All rights reserved. |
As a transfer student from a small school on the East Coast, there were differences that I noticed right away. First, USC seemed to attract some pretty affluent students− it was not unheard of to find a classmate who had one, even two fancy cars on campus (I'm still trying to figure out that last one). Second, even though the school boasted a beautiful campus, the students generally looked towards greater Los Angeles as the place to hang out− the alternative was a very cliquey fraternity/sorority life. Finally, the campus was located right next to one of the poorest areas of the city: South Central.
I have never been about status− I try and judge a person by his character, and I think that generally is what I am attracted to in people. At USC I quickly made friends, but had some trouble knowing where I fit in. Truthfully, I was still dealing with the scars of feeling different back in high school, the loss of a parent, and trying to understand my own identity... all this was going on while I was attempting to learn new skills, and start life in an entirely new area. By the second semester at USC, reality came crashing down: I began to get seriously behind in my studies, and also learned that I had not been accepted to the film school. All of this began to weigh very heavily on me... here I was a third-year college student who felt like he was constantly starting from scratch, doubting my direction, and not quite sure how to move ahead. I became increasingly withdrawn, quit a service fraternity I had been accepted into, and was having trouble sleeping... at one point I really felt like I was at wit's end... this was hardly the "California dream" I had imagined...
Right around this time an all-white Los Angeles jury acquitted four of the city's police officers in the beating of a black motorist, Rodney King, which had attracted national attention after it was captured on videotape. It was an unbelievable outcome, pointing to racial injustice, and the city's residents responded by venting their anger at the outcome. In the days that followed, Los Angeles was under siege, as arson, property damage, looting and assault spilled out on to the streets and engulfed the air.
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| Photo of destruction resulting from the riots. Courtesy USC's "The Daily Trojan." All rights reserved. |
Students at the "sheltered" USC campus had no choice but to face this potentially dangerous environment. Although the campus safety did a commendable job at protecting its students, we were mere blocks from where all of this destruction was taking place. I remember climbing up to the top of one of the public buildings and looking out across the city− it was a surreal view... like something out of a sci-fi/disaster film... with smoke hanging heavy in the air... The city had ordered a curfew, and all of us students were ordered to evacuate our housing and sleep in the campus gym.
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| Destruction from the LA riots, nearby USC campus. Photo courtesy "The Daily Trojan,"/USC. All rights reserved. |
I will never forget the feeling that came over me in those first few hours... somehow I was able to set aside all of my personal problems and rise to the occasion. I remember checking on other students' safety in our housing... making the rounds of the gym to try and liven up others' spirits... generally assisting my classmates during this time of crisis. It really was all by instinct, and a sharp turnaround from the way I had been feeling for several weeks, wrapped up in a crippling feeling of isolation and defeat.
I did not condone the actions of the rioters, but certainly sympathized with their frustration. I don't claim to fully know how racism feels, but have certainly experienced prejudice myself, and around this time was still dealing heavily with the after effects of that burden.
I never had a problem in South Los Angeles myself, and would visit several of the local markets and restaurants, which often had a unique ethnic flavor. After the riots I walked around the edges of the community... I did not want to be thought of as one of the elitist students that was hiding from the social and ethnic diversity of the area.
I never had a problem in South Los Angeles myself, and would visit several of the local markets and restaurants, which often had a unique ethnic flavor. After the riots I walked around the edges of the community... I did not want to be thought of as one of the elitist students that was hiding from the social and ethnic diversity of the area.
A month later our semester ended. We were told to finish up our finals from home, and my friend helped me pack up and get on a plane back to the East Coast. At first I had a hard time adjusting... not because of the riots, but from the emotional hell that I had put myself through in the months preceding. However, I think those instant moments of reacting to the crisis on our campus taught me something about getting over myself... that there was some hope, and certainly bigger problems in the world to deal with. Through the help of friends and family, I began to come out of my cloud and regain my clarity and confidence...
That fall I ended up transferring (again) to a smaller school in New England. Nothing to do with the riots, the main reason for the move was time and money (California might never have been possible without the financial support of my parents, for whom I am eternally grateful). I can't say it was a difficult decision, because I really was in a dark place at USC and anxious to get started in a major where I could start focusing and creating right away (I chose the University of Hartford's communications program, with a minor in illustration). It ended up being like night and day, but not without problems and a short relapse into some additional dark moments... I realized my demons had more to do with me than any particular location.
This seems to be an ongoing theme in my life: persevering... dealing with adversity. I'm happy to say that I have come a long way since those days at USC, and don't regret the things that I learned during that time (no matter how painful). In 2007 I returned to LA to work on a video production, which was rewarding in itself; one evening I took a drive past the USC campus, just to reflect on where I had been.
Over the past week I have been reading several articles about where Los Angeles (and our country) has come since the riots. There is obviously still racial tension and economic hardship, but more diversity in the police force and government must make a difference. During my trip in 2007 and again in 2010, the city felt more open... a little less isolated. The reality is that the demographics are changing−the former minority population has become the majority in many areas. There also seems to be better representation and pride in the community.
As for myself, I'm not sure California is the "be all, end all" for me now, but I could certainly see myself being successful there, and definitely having a happier and more focused time about it than during college. I thank not only my increased knowledge and experience, but also learning to accept and celebrate my own differences...
Related Links:
"The L.A. riots: 20 years later," Los Angeles Times, April 2012
"Artists, actors creatively reengage with '92 L.A. riots, 'Twilight', Los Angeles Times, April 29, 2012
"L.A. Riots: 'From The Ashes' Conference Remembers Past, Looks To The Future," USC Annenberg, April 27, 2012
"How Koreatown Rose From the Ashes Of L.A. Riots," NPR Radio, April 27, 2012
"After Riots, Scandal Sparked Reform in LAPD," NPR Radio, April 25, 2012
"At Tolliver's barbershop, pondering what 20 years have wrought," Los Angeles Times, April 15, 2012
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